S. calms me, or at least tries to calm me down. Of course, it’s terribly hard and it also makes you extremely confused when you’ve had the feeling of having an ally for so many years and now someone comes and doubted that. And goes even further and proves that one of these allies does not do you any good, but harms you so badly that you get sick.
I should give myself some time. This belief that my “girlfriend” Anorexia and I are one and we can not do without the other, I have been living for 20 years. To doubt this believe now is like waking up and doubting that the sun will rise every morning.
No one separates from a habit or a person overnight, even though it has been proven to do more harm than good.
It is very good that I am increasingly questioning my “allies”. I will watch her and try not to believe her at the mercy of everything.
I’ll doubt her and try to rationally figure out if she’s really good on me or not.
But surely she will not like that? Maybe she will move away from me when she realizes that I do not like her anymore?
But then I’m alone again and lonely!